Oliver - the first month

I never want to forget how quickly he changes. It's hard to remember every moment...

Learning breastfeeding together... I feel like it's something special the two of us were meant to share. One could not do without the other, and us together make this awesome thing happen... I am able to feed you, to help you grow.

Through the sleep deprivation and crying fits when I wished he would just go to sleep, so I could sleep...

When he was asleep and I would miss his eyes and his face so much... I just want to hold him and watch him. Awake or asleep, as long as he's near...

It's amazing how one tiny person consumes my whole life, what did I ever do without him?

For Oliver:

The first best picture your dad ever took of you... ready to head home for the first time.

The first day of the rest of my life.

 My love, you steal my heart when you make this "kissy face".

Sweet angel, sleeping peacefully... what do you dream about?

Your gaze focused on the light pouring in through the window.

Your first interests were the bright contrasts of windows and lights and the shadows they cast.

Looking at your Daddy. He's so proud to call you his own.

Our silly baby! Sometimes this is what you needed to fall alseep...

Bathtime, a household favorite!

Our tiny Soapasaurus loves the water, and the soothing music Daddy picks for us.

I just want to hold you, always. I can't wait for our lifetime of hugs!

Birth Story Part 3... In the tub

(See, this is the date I started the post. Sorry I took so long to post it, y'all.)

Sweet relief. On a scale of one to ten, (as I was later asked) getting in the tub took my pain level from a 9 to a 7. By my standards at that point, this was nothing short of a miracle. I started out seated on a small ledge in the tub. Nick went around behind the tub so that he would be right by my head the whole time. I had a few contractions like this, then had to change positions again. Being on my hands and knees felt so much more comfortable... I think leaning forward took some of the pressure off of my back. One of the nurses took a barf bucket and used it to keep pouring water over my back as the tub continued to fill.

With every contraction, I squeezed Nick's hand. In between, he offered me water, kept my hair out of my face, and told me what a good job I was doing.

Me: "I'm so tired!"

The nurse, telling me: "This is the worst part. It doesn't get worse than this!"

(Yes, that thought was oddly comforting. Like, well, here I am, already in the middle of it, and I'm still alive. Not I am SUPERWOMAN I can do this, but more like I can SURVIVE this because, hell... I already AM surviving it!)

(I am SUPERWOMAN came later.)

Me: "I just want it to be over." *sob*

My amazing husband, who never left my side: "I know baby... not too much longer! You're doing so well!"

I must say I'm proud of myself for never saying "I can't do this!" The TV shows and the internets tell us that when the woman yells something to that effect, "I give up" = Ready to go! and you all know how I feel about doing the thing that everybody always does.

(For those that don't, "typical" & "expected"... them's fightin' words!)

Time. To. Push.

It was sudden, just like that! I was so scared at this point... this is where most women who tell the story say that they get excited (until they remember hearing tales of the Ring Of Fire), I'm going to meet my baby soon! Me? Scared. What if I didn't push right? I didn't know what the hell I was doing!

But the thought was fleeting. Colleen the midwife asked me if I wanted to get out of the tub. I told her no, DO NOT WANT. I didn't think I could. I wanted to push. So she told me that if I could feel him coming and felt the urge to push, I should push.

The first time I pushed, I screamed. Because it hurt. The nurse said the thing about using the energy that I was wasting by screaming to bear down. I wanted to tell her to shut the hell up, but I figured that wouldn't do any good, and she was the one pouring the lovely water over my back, so I didn't want to piss her off. Irrational, I know, but oh crap! Here comes the next one!

I pushed through the contractions, and I rested in between. Nobody counted. I flipped around in the tub (it came with these cool little divots for your to put your heels in and push against) but being on my back was still not working, so I flipped back onto all fours again.

Nobody holding my legs, nobody staring at my crotch, no stirrups.

I ended up mostly growling as I pushed... I think it helped me focus, and the nurse didn't correct me. I think she even told me I was doing well. I do know that Nick was there, right by my head (have I mentioned he was amazingly perfectly supportive? That he said all the right things and never left my side?) telling me to "GIVE IT HELL BABY!"

I pushed three or four times, then I felt it. His head. Was coming.

I pushed... someone said: the baby's crowning!

I pushed... I yelled... and suddenly I was kneeling upright in the tub... someone said: the head is out!

They had me lean back. I'm so tired.

Me, eyes closed: "Is he here?"

Someone: "One more push and he will be!"

In my head, all I could think was: Ok, one more. That's what she said. I only have to push one more time. Once more. I remember being terrified that it wouldn't be just One More and Oh God What would happen then???

I pushed one more time.

Nick, behind my right shoulder: "He's here! Oh my God there he is!"

I opened my eyes, and saw my baby being pulled up out of the water and placed on my chest. I reached up to cradle him. I was not surprised, yet stunned by the tiny boy with the full head of hair. Mine.

Again, the next few minutes are a blur. Nick reaches out to carress the tiny hand. He gives me a kiss. They have him cut the cord. I touch the tiny cheek and say, "Hi baby."

I sat there and stared at my baby for I don't know how long, until someone asked me if it was ok if they took him and wrapped him up so I could get out of the tub. I had forgotten I was in the tub. They kept saying what a "nice, long umbilical cord" we had. Super.

(At this point, I'm tempted to censor the story, but I won't.)

I sort of snapped back into reality and looked around to find myself sitting in a murky tub full of bloody water. There is a smear of white goo on my top where Oliver had just been laying, but I don't remember him being slimy at all, just wet. There is a splatter of blood on my arm, hand and the side wall of the tub that had come from the umbilical cord. As I'm getting up the midwife is telling me that it's because the placenta/cord combo has a lot of built up pressure (think: blood and nutrients must pump into the baby) and isn't it amazing how that works. Whatever.

Why won't my legs stop shaking?!?

At this point, I think we're down to just two nurses and the midwife. One nurse is tending to Oliver, the other is helping me get into bed. The midwife tells me I now have to push out the placenta. Dammit! I thought I was done with the pushing! And somebody please tell me why my legs are shaking!

She tells me to push, so I give a half-hearted push, and out plops the placenta. Weird and gross. Honestly, it looked like a clear plastic bag full of puke. I know it's supposed to be all beautiful, "tree of life", this is what sustained my son for 9 months, but... yuk.

I look over to see my boys: Nick staring down into a tiny bundle of blankets, so dreamy... then OUCH!

The midwife is poking around at my sore, bruised parts and saying things about how I only have a few small tears, and she probably won't even stitch them up. "Skid marks." I'm finally coherent enough to ask, "Why are my legs shaking?" She tells me it's the hormones, and that my body just went through a lot (really? DUH) and the hormones need a little while calm down. She also tells me that I've just had what they call precipitous labor, meaning that it lasted three hours or less, since his time of birth was 2:56 am.

I don't know how many times I looked at Nick and said, "I can't believe I just did that."

That thought alternated with I AM SUPERWOMAN over the next few days, but it was mostly I Can't Believe I Just Did That. All in all, it was very scary, but we both came through it and ended up healthy, so of course that is all any mom could ask for.

Birth Story part 2... Off to the hospital

I grabbed a towel to put on the car seat, because at this point I was gushing fluid with every contraction. On the way to the hospital Nick called my mom and let her know we were going to the hospital. I looked at the clock in the car: 1:40 am.

When we pulled into the hospital Nick asked me if I wanted him to drop me off at the emergency room doors. I said no, because there was plenty of parking relatively close, and I didn't want him to leave my side. I NEEDED him. Nick grabbed the bag and we walked from the car. The midwife had called ahead to let them know I was coming and to set up Room 8 (the room with the giant labor tub). The lady in the emergency room called up to maternity to send a nurse down. The nurse asked me if I wanted a wheelchair, but after the misery of riding in the car, sitting in a chair did NOT sound appealing. So we walked. Down the neverending hall, around the corner, and up the neverending elevator ride, contracting all the way.

"They're coming too close together! I'm not getting a break in between!"

We get down to Room 8 and the nurse that walked us up says to another nurse, "Well, we had 5 contractions on the way up..." And the second nurse's eyes got all wide. They had me change into a hospital gown and get on the bed. She checks me, and announces "She's 8 centimeters." A third nurse showed up at some point. They put the monitors on my belly, and one nurse went to put the heplock in my left wrist. She said something to another nurse about a blown vein, and when I looked down I saw a big bubble behind where she had stuck the needle. The other nurse said "yeah, that looks blown." I'm pretty sure it hurt, but this part of the story is vague recollections through a haze of pain. I do remember Nick looked pretty pissed off about that. A different nurse sucessfully put it in my right wrist.

For what seemed like forever, they kept me in bed trying to get a good reading on Oliver from the monitors, but the way I had to sit in bed was apparently keeping that from happening. I was later told that the nurse in charge of getting the reading was starting to get upset about it, but was told by another not to argue with the woman in labor! The midwife came in and got updated on what was going on and said I could get in the tub as soon as they got a reading, so I decided that I could get on all fours in the bed so maybe they could get their reading and let me get up! I was ready to get in the tub!

I didn't believe it when people told me that I would lose all modesty during labor, but I did. There I was, on my hands and knees on the hospital bed, my ass on display for all to see, and I didn't care one little bit. In fact, I was only barely aware of anyone else in the room.

Someone called out through all the background noise that she got a good reading, and Oliver was handling the contractions well. Before I got in the tub, she checked me again, and announced "She's complete!" (This means 10 centimeters dilated, fully effaced... basically, baby's coming as soon as he drops low enough to give me the urge to push!) It did kind of bug me that everyone kept talking about me like I wasn't there, but I realized later that everything was moving very quickly, and they didn't have time to stop and talk to me every step of the way.

Now, I could get in the tub! Nick grabbed my maternity band (thing that's supposed to help keep your pants up during pregnancy) that I was going to wear as a tube top in the tub. I changed, and Nick and a nurse helped me into the tub.

Part 3 (the conclusion, hopefully) coming tomorrow.

Birth Story... Finally!

Here it is, finally, uncensored.

On Saturday November 14th, I went to bed about 9pm.

Sunday November 15th at midnight, my water breaking woke me up. I ran to the bathroom and luckily I was wearing a regular pad and not just a pantiliner, so I didn't get a bunch of fluid all over the bed. I sat on the toilet for a while because every time I stood up more would gush out. After a few minutes I figured ok this is really it (I didn't just pee myself) so I went and woke up Nick, who was sleeping in the guest bed.

"Honey, I think my water just broke!"
"No way!"

I went and sat on the toilet again and asked Nick to bring my phone so I could call the midwife (I knew my doc was not on call that night and had met with the midwives in advance so that one of them would deliver me in this case) and let her know. I had to laugh at myself because after all the preparing and planning and reading I had completely forgotten what to do! I called from the bathroom and was on the phone with Colleen when I had my first contraction at about 12:15am. She told me to time the contractions for an hour or two, and when they got between 3 and 5 minutes apart to call her back and we'd probably be ready to go to the hospital.

Nick got into bed with me and busted out his iphone with the contraction timer app. I'd tell him when a contraction started, breathe through it as best as I could, and then tell him when it was over. After only a few I could tell they were getting stronger and had Nick go get the exercise ball. I sat on the ball next to the bed and rocked my hips side to side like we learned in our childbirth class, but it didn't seem to make them much more bearable. After only a half hour of timing, the contractions were much stronger than I expected them to be, and the timer app had them at 2 1/2 minutes apart and lasting almost a minute! Nick called the midwife back to tell her what was going on.

"The contractions are already at 2 1/2 minutes apart!"
"Wow, she's not messing around, huh? Go ahead and head to the hospital, I'll meet you there!"

Nick ran to load up the car and got the dog's stuff ready, then called his mom to let her know we were going to the hospital and the dog would need a place to stay for a couple days!

OK this is really long... To be continued tomorrow.

39 weeks

Maternity clothes: Ready to be done with them.

Stretch Marks: Ugh.

Sleep: "Get your sleep now while you still can..." MY ASS. I cannot sleep. The pain, anxiety, excitement, restless mind and my bladder will not let me.

Belly Button: If it was a turkey timer, it would indicate the turkey is not yet done. I say BULLSHIT.

Labor Signs: Yeah. According to the doc at my last appointment (Monday) it could be "any day now!" It is now Friday and I am cranky. Fool me once, shame on you...

Best Moment This Week:

Doc: There's no sense guessing at whether he's head down or not when you're sitting next to an ultrasound machine...
Me: :-D
Doc: Yep, there he is, head down and at -2 station.
Me: Nick! Look at that! He's got a little round Charlie Brown head!

Movement: Starting to slow down. Mr. Wiggles is running out of room in there!

Food cravings: Nah.

Gender: My little boy's due date is in 8 days. I hope he is more like his dad (likes to be early) than his mom (always running late).

What I miss: I don't even remember life before...

What I am looking forward to: Meeting my son!

What I have learned: People don't think twice before asking you about your vagina. When you are 39 weeks pregnant, questions like "Did you get an internal exam?" and "Is your cervix dilated?" are COMMON.

For some reason, (thankfully,) this is something I find hilarious, and not supremely annoying as I have found most other things people say and do.

Milestones: OLIVER YOU ARE DONE! FULL TERM!! GET OUT!!!
P.S. Momma loves you!

Nursery Pictures!

It's done! Happy Birthday to me!

36 weeks

Maternity clothes: Oh, yes.

Stretch Marks: I've seen worse... thanks to the internet.

Sleep: I pretty much just sleep in 2 hour increments, from waking up to roll over or pee or both. Practice for when he gets here... blah, blah, blah.

Belly Button: Upon closer investigation, it looks like I have about a half inch in diameter, but still quite a bit left in depth... so maybe it will stay an innie?

Labor Signs: Nothing.

Best Moment This Week: The other night we were playing with him! He kept sticking his leg out on my right side (I think it was a leg) so I would grab it & shake it... and he would pull it away. Then, after a second, he'd stick it back out again. Like, "I dare you to do that again". Sometimes Nick would push on him and he'd kinda push back. Already testing us, boy?

Movement: See above. Also: cervix clawing. With CLAWS.

Food cravings: Nah. I'm never hungry anymore. I actually got a warning at my doc appointment yesterday... I've lost 3 pounds in the last 3 weeks and I shouldn't let this trend continue.

Gender: Oliver Nicholas is due in 4 weeks!

What I miss: Breathing. Sitting. Pooping. Eating. Relaxing.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting my son!















What I have learned: Well, I hate to always be negative in this section, but this is really what I have learned: being one-upped, compared to someone else is just part of pregnancy. For some reason, everyone who has gone before you feels the need to impart some kind of "you a'int seen nothin' yet" wisdom/advice/pity/opinion. Hope for the pity.

You feel flutters? Just WAIT until you get kicked in the organs!
You think you're showing? Just WAIT til you can't fit into a muu muu!
You're uncomfortable/can't breathe/have back & hip pain? Just WAIT til you go into LABOR!
You think you're tired? Just WAIT til you have the BABY!

Aaaaaanyway, the point of all this is to say that it may be tough at times to just feel good about where you are in your pregnancy/life, but I've found that it helps to think that the JUST WAIT attitude may come from jealousy... or nostalgia maybe. They used to be where you are...

Tune in next year where I bitch about other moms comparing their kid to Oliver!

He's fussy? Just WAIT til he's constipated!
He's hit his terrible twos? Just WAIT til he's a teenager!

Milestones: Um, still need to pack the hospital bag. And buy everything he still needs. Basically, this milestone is a longer to-do list than before.

34 weeks

Maternity clothes: Went to the thrift store last week and bought two more shirts. But that's IT. I need to be buying shirts for my SON, not for me. I don't care if I wear the same 5 shirts every week... at least I'm at work, right?

Stretch Marks: BOO. They're getting darker. And spidery-er.

Sleep: My hips don't like to let me sleep. If they're not sore (thank you Tylenol) they still sort of ache and I have to roll over every two hours.

Belly Button: Flat flat flat.

Labor Signs: Nothing really, but at my last appointment the doc said he's head down! So the whole breech/possible scary c-section thing can be scratched off my Giant List Of Things To Worry About. (For now - I know babies are tricky.)

Best Moment This Week: The nursery is SO close to being done! Nick got the dresser put together and I did 3 whole loads of baby laundry! Just have to finish our organization of the closet and hang the artwork!

Movement: Ouch. He can now actually physically hurt me. It's still fun times when he's being all wiggly and stuff, but every once in a while he'll stop me in my tracks. Yes, dear, I get it. You're very very strong.

And when he gets the hiccups I feel it in my butt.

Food cravings: Totally baloney sandwiches. With cheese and mayo.

Gender: BOY! His name is Oliver Nicholas. I meant to do like a big announcement post and be all "We have a NAME!" But then I realized that by now everyone who reads this already knows what his name is.

What I miss: Being comfortable.

What I am looking forward to: Gosh, everything. Being a mom. Nick being a dad. Baby giggles. Little toes to munch on.

What I have learned: If you come across someone who always disagrees with you, or doesn't believe anything you say about your own body/pregnancy/doctor/experience/plans... stop sharing with them entirely! If they ask, the answer should always be: "Fine! Good! Thanks for asking!"

If they're not with you, they're against you. Or at least indifferent to you, which is just the same as being a selfish, unsupportive douchebag and not worth your time.

Milestones: Time to pack the hospital bag! We just have to decide what he'll wear home from the hospital.

Blatant Attention Whoring

If you read my blog, please comment whenever you stop by!

I mean, it has been lovely just typing my thoughts and feelings and hitting the "Publish Post" button to sent them off into the abyss of the internet, but a girl can always use some warm fuzzy feedback!

(Because I know no one would dare leave feedback that is anything but warm and fuzzy for someone 8 months pregnant, right?)

Seriously, though. No pressure. Just a simple "I read this today" would do the trick. I really just want to know you were here!

33 weeks

Maternity clothes: Sooo... "they" told me there would come a time when my maternity clothes would a) need to be longer, not just roomier and b) just not fit anymore. I thought, "whaaa?" how can clothes that fit one day "just not fit" the next? The answer: I don't know but it's freakin true. But I'm not spending any more money on maternity clothes. Unless I go to the thrift store. Which I now have plans to do.

Stretch Marks: I don't wanna talk about it.

Sleep:

Dear Tylenol PM,

I love you. While I still get up to pee, I am able to fall back to sleep pretty easily, and actually feel rested in the morning! Stay the same, never change, LYLAS.

TTFN, Sara

Belly Button: Flat as can be (while still being an innie)

Labor Signs: Nope!

Best Moment This Week: Saw Jen & Mike last weekend at Jason & Stacy's wedding!

Movement: Man, did this little boy put on a show for his dad the other night. Right after dinner we sat on the couch and got a good 20 minutes of fetus acrobatics. He was doing some serious rolling around... Nick felt elbows and butt cheeks and all kinds of body parts!

Food cravings: Yesterday walking through the freezer section of the grocery store I remembered a far-away feeling of "OMG POT PIE" and laughed.

Gender: BOY!!

What I miss: I just recently realized that I miss laying on my stomach. I've never been a big stomach sleeper, so it didn't really bother me a first, but now I'm to the point where I can't even be partially, a little bit on my stomach because there's a giant wiggly beast in the way! Sometimes, he'll even push his little lumpy self out toward the mattress when I'm on my side... kind of like a warning: HEY. MOM. BACK IT UP. I like this kid already.

What I am looking forward to: Picking up and assembling the dresser we ordered! Then I can get started on the laundry and OMG his due date is NEXT MONTH and NOTHING is done! (Just a peek into the psychosis that is pregnancy).

What I have learned: RELAX. It'll get done. (Easier said than done, but I'm trying.)

Milestones: Had our infant care class: learned to diaper, bathe and swaddle tiny squirmy babies! Can't wait!

Tips to prevent SIDS

So, SIDS is scary. It's just one more thing that proves no matter how much I worry about random crap that there's no use worrying about (am I leaking amniotic fluid? what if the cord is wrapped around his neck? dang, I REALLY don't wnt an episiotomy...) having a BABY is going to be way scarier that being pregnant ever was... and completely take over our lives... and yes, I'm cool with that.

Aaaaanyway... here's some stuff I've learned recently:

1. This article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9649335/ says the use of pacifiers reduces the risk of baby dying from SIDS.

And this one: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=pacifier-greatly-reduces even goes so far as to say they reduce the risk by 90%. 90!!!

I've read that use of pacifiers may cause "nipple confusion" when it comes to breastfeeding, but it just seems like that's a risk I'm willing to take, ya know?

2. Here's an article saying that ceiling fans decreases the risk of SIDS by 72%. http://www.abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=5964587&page=1

Glad we already have one in the nursery or else Nick would have Yet Another Project for this weekend!

30 weeks

Maternity clothes: Got a few more shirts while shopping with mom last weekend :-) So comfy.

Stretch Marks: New! Hiding under the belly where I couldn't see them! Nick said he actually saw them a while ago and didn't tell me.

Sleep: Finally got some good sleep the last two nights... I think the past few weeks I've had weird random things in the back of my mind that have been keeping me from really resting at night.

Belly Button: Slowly disappearing!

Labor Signs: Nothing new. Still have Braxton Hicks, but I have noticed that drinking more water has helped to at least tone down the intensity.

Best Moment This Week: Last weekend was awesome! Got to see my people all together and they all helped load me up on supplies at my baby shower!

Movement: He's a wild man! The other day I looked down and saw my belly do this thing kind of like when you drop a pebble into water and watch it ripple out... Nick saw it too. I love when he gets to see/feel that kind of stuff... he gets so happy!

Food cravings: The mac & cheese is starting to be less of a craving and more of the One Thing That Won't Make Me Feel Like Crap.

Gender: BOY!!

What I miss: Sitting. Here's a list of things that prevent me from doing this comfortably (in order from least to most annoying):

5. My baby boy crowding my ribs/organs. I love you, but KNOCK IT OFF!
4. My tailbone feels like I am sitting directly on it.
3. Lower back ache.
2. Swelling. Vagina swelling. Already.
1. Leaking. If I lean forward, it usually causes my boobs to leak a bit. Otherwise, lets just say that the "snail trail" can sometimes over power the pantiliner. TMI? Eh, deal with it.

What I am looking forward to: Decorating his room! I think we've decided to buy a dresser instead of refinish the old one, so I gotta go shop for that. And YAY, my bedding of choice was on sale last week and I ordered it and got it yesterday! Gonna wash it this weekend and start really putting together his room!

What I have learned: So this isn't a new thing, just a new application of an old thing. I tend to act more like a sane person when I remember to just "do one thing at a time, do it well, and THEN move on to the next." Thanks, mom!

Milestones: 3/4 done growing this baby! 2 months left! So exciting and scary at the same time!

Random Stuff From The Interwebs

1. ...and baby makes four.

2. A comic having to do with breastfeeding AND ninjas? Perfect! Click.

3. This was really fun to play with: http://www.umm.edu/pregnancy/000088.htm It shows development of the baby and also where your organs get squished to as the baby grows. Watch the girl's boobs between weeks 8 and 14!

4. Check out this site to get your own version of Madame Zaritska's birth prediction. Here's mine:

"The day you deliver, outside will be bright. Your baby will arrive in the evening. After a labor lasting approximately 10 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 5 pounds, 11 ounces, and will be 17 inches long. This child will have medium hazel eyes and barely there red hair."

Um, OK!

5. Here's a "Chinese Gender Predictor" site, but FYI it was wrong for me.

6. Last but not least, a little tip I picked up about possibly making labor easier: drink tea! http://www.birthingnaturally.net/exercise/kegel/kegcup.html I may actually consider it, which is downright CRAZY if you know me and my lifelong aversion to tea. But, what the hell.

glucose test = PASS

First, the glucose test is designed to check for gestational diabetes. You drink about 12 ounces of icky glucola orange drink (think: melted fla.vor.ice popcicles), wait an hour, then they draw your blood. It was good for me to know that there isn't anything I could have done "better" or differently to avoid getting GD, it's just a measure of how the body processes sugars while pregnant. Some women's bodies apparently revolt against them, refusing to process sugar properly, which can be all kinds of bad for the mom and the baby.

They told me when I went in for the test that "no news is good news" and that if I didn't hear anything, they would let me know the results of the test at my next appointment. Yeah, I'm not that patient. I called the nurse today, and she said my test came back completely normal, and on top of that, I'm not anemic either!

This is awesome news for me, since I've been having so many problems with eating/barfing/pooping... I just don't think I could handle diet restrictions or iron supplements (I've heard they constipate you).

So, Cheers! I'm going to go get a brownie!

A poem

"I love you, little baby
You're such a part of me.
Can't wait to hold you in my arms,
And hug you tenderly.
No matter what you look like,
You're beautiful, my love,
A precious gift bequeathed to me,
From heaven far above.
Each time I feel you moving,
My heart is filled with joy,
To think that very soon I'll hold
My little baby boy.
I'm counting every moment,
Til you're mine at last, my sweet.
It won't be long until your birth,
Then finally we'll meet."
- Sharon A.

27 weeks

Maternity clothes: Need more shirts! The ones I got away with back in the 10-16 weeks phase are SO NOT cutting it anymore.

Stretch marks: 3 around my bellybutton, and now introducing one on the top of each thigh!

Sleep: I've been sleeping better this week, only waking up maybe once a night. I still feel like I can't get enough though!

*NEW* Belly Button: Getting shallow.

*NEW* Labor Signs: I learned that Braxton Hicks contractions can be worsened by dehydration. So since everyone says they don't hurt and it turns out they DO... I hereby resolve to better monitor my water intake. *Ballcap over the heart* style.

Best moment this week: I'd have to say it was when the doctor congratulated me on "only" gaining 3 pounds.

Movement: All the time now! I think we've even established a pattern...

6:30 am: he starts to wiggle around and help me wake up

9:00 am: soft thumps to let me know he's ready for breakfast

12:30 pm: strong pointy kicking! (it's the mac & cheese, I'm sure)

5:00 pm: TIME TO GO HOME, MOM

7:30 pm: wiggly again, and recently he's been rolling over or something around now too.

10:00 pm: OK this week he's been doing The Weirdest Thing Ever. I'm laying on my side in bed and out of nowhere it feels like a small animal is trapped between my belly and the mattress!! The first time he did this I just tried to imagine what position he had gotten himself into to make this insane squirming thing happen... but then when he did it again the next night I had to Laugh Out Loud because impersonating a hamster must just be tons of fun!

Food cravings: If this boy is anything like his mama, he is going to LOVE mac & cheese!

Gender: BOY!! I believe we are close to bringing the name debate to a close. Stay tuned, y'all.

What I miss: I miss NOT getting stared at.

"Yes, I am pregnant. November. It's a boy. No, we haven't named him yet. Oh, you can really tell he'll be a big baby just by looking at me? Wow that's talent!"

What I am looking forward to: My baby shower Labor Day weekend! I get to see MOM and JEN and all kinds of OTHER cool family and friends! YAY!

What I have learned: Nesting is for real. When you don't think twice about buying new furniture (and the rug to match, of course), it's real. This incident actually made me stop and think... all the little things I was doing add up! (Like freaking out that the floors are dirty and WHY are crumbs STICKING TO MY FEET? Now, I have to force myself to NOT go to Target and buy a bunch of stuff to finish his room because WHAT IF I’m not ready when he gets here and he has NO SHEETS and NO cute things on the wall to look at and WHAT IF I get too tired in the next 3 months and OMG WHAT IF HE COMES EARLY?!? So, yeah, good times. Luckily these thoughts happen only about once a day and don’t last too long. Nick is good at talking me down too.

Milestones: Childbirth classes! Class participation! Nick had to wear a 25 lb. backpack to show him what it's like to carry the extra weight around. We practiced having him coach me through breathing and she showed the dads some massage techniques that should help me relax. I feel pretty good about it! Nick is going to be an awesome coach.

Third Trimester! Ack!

99 days left!

That is a VERY SHORT time considering that the countdown starts at 266!

Things I still have left to do:

1. Childbirth classes/breastfeeding class/infant care class.
2. Figure out some sort of clothes storage system. Do we refinish great grandma's dresser? Just use the cube thing from Target? Both? Neither and buy one?
3. Buy craploads more diapers. Also, my plan is to have a couple of those neat all in one velcro/snap fancy pants cloth diapers around just in case we run out in the middle of the night. I'm so stinkin' smart.
4. Clean everything. I know it's "nesting" and seriously, I don't care. He's going to be crawling around on THOSE FLOORS? GAH!
5. Name this kid.
6. Must Pass Glucose Test On Monday. (I am reminded of this by the 3 snack packs and small handful of Hershey's miniatures I ate today.)
7. Smack the next person who says, "Are you eating again?" The UPS man just did this, for reals.
8. Attempt to buy a dress for a late September wedding when I will be fully at the end of my 7th month that could possibly be used again for something some day.
9. Eat more fiber.
10. Figure out daycare.
11. Find a pediatrician.
12. Find a list of the million other things I'm sure I have to do but just don't know what they are yet.

25 weeks

Maternity clothes: Anything else would be inconceivable!

Stretch marks: 3 right around where my bellybutton used to be pierced. :-(

Sleep: Yes please! I wake up so much just to roll over. It's really starting to piss me off!

Best moment this week: I'm sitting at work, typing away, minding my own business when I feel a kick. It feels like a good one and I look down and THUMP I saw a kick!

Movement: Nick felt kicks! We were laying in bed at night after a long trip around Babies R Us. I guess that my walking around kind of rocks baby boy to sleep, because he was kicking away like crazy like maybe he just woke up from a nap, and Nick felt two thumps!

Food cravings: Mac & cheese still rules all.

Gender: BOY!! Still no names...

What I miss: I miss not feeling slow. Like I'm just so heavy that I have to walk more slowly to build up momentum.

What I am looking forward to: First baby shower this weekend!

What I have learned: Morning sickness doesn't stay in the first trimester! Sometimes it can flare up again whenever the hell it wants to. Annoying.

Milestones: Nick feeling kicks... it's so funny that getting kicked would make someone happy, but seriously you should see the look on his face...

22 weeks

Maternity clothes: Need more. I have 2 pairs of pants acceptable for work that fit right now.

Stretch marks: still *fingers crossed*

Sleep: Weird. It's like, when I sleep I'm out cold... but I wake up a lot too.

Best moment this week: Finding the perfect crib set! I have grand ideas for this baby boy's room...

Movement: Here and there, but nothing too exciting. I think he likes it when I lean forward a little bit... either that or he hates it and is trying to tell me to get the hell off of him. Either way, that's when I fell him the most, but it makes it impossible for Nick to feel him. :-(

Food cravings: Still mac & cheese!

Gender: BOY!! Still no names...

What I miss: I miss my body. Not in the way I used to look or anything like that... (I'm SUPPOSED to gain weight and pretty much past ever hoping to look like I did 10 years ago.) It's the fact that a lot of the time, I don't feel like me. My body doesn't react to things the way it used to and it's annoying trying to figure out all the new changes! I have a newfound lactose intolerance, I can't poo or I'm pooing too much, I have random headaches, the list goes on.

What I am looking forward to: Finding out baby boy's eye/hair/skin color combination!

What I have learned: Halfway and then some = soon I'll have to face the fact that I'm going to have to go into labor. LABOR. And DELIVERY. When I think about it, my mind always goes from pregnant, uncomfortable (but worth it) to Yay I'm a mom and Nick's a dad. I always gloss over that middle part with the contracting and pushing and whatnot. Gonna have to deal with that eventually. But not right now. Right now I want some mac & cheese.

Milestones: Um, swelling? I'm swelling to the point where my wedding ring doesn't fit anymore.

20 weeks

Maternity clothes: Yeah... when Aliesha at work gave me a bag of clothes I went home and tried them on and laughed at how big they were... now they fit. Although she is apparently a couple inches shorter than I am. Eh, whatev.

Stretch marks: Nope. I am starting to get the itchies though.

Sleep: Not too bad...

Best moment this week: Had a doctor's appoitment this morning and heard the best words ever to come out of an OB's mouth: "No abnormalities." Woot!

Movement: Finally felt a solid kick last night! I was laying in bed on my side and felt a few twitches... then all of a sudden, WHAM! He kicked the dang mattress!

Food cravings: Mac & cheese. Daily.

Gender: BOY!! Now let the Great Name Debate of 2009 begin...

What I miss: Nothing right now... I feel awesome!

What I am looking forward to: Tee ball and/or pee wee football, potty training with Cheerios

What I have learned: Having a healthy baby really is the most important thing... when the ultrasound tech started saying things like "measuring baby's head... looks good" I felt such relief that I almost forgot my excitement of finding out the baby's sex!

Milestones: I can finally start calling him HIM! And, oh yeah, HALFWAY! GAH!

It's a BOY!

So, yes. We were very sneaky and didn't tell anyone when the ultrasound appointment was so that we could get away with stuff like this:

Sent to my mom on Friday night. The card says "Congratulations Grandma, it's a boy! Love, Sara & Nick" She thought the delivery guy was at the wrong house!

Then on Saturday, July 4th, we had a cookout and told Nick's mom and everyone there by serving cookie cake for dessert!

And just for posterity, here is a picture of the "Pulled Meat Sandwich Cook-Off" Winner 2009.

Oh, crap...

Thanks to this video I am now very glad that my pot pie craving has subsided. (For those too busy/cool/whatever to click the link, a NY Times reporter tests the cooking instructions on Banquet pot pies and finds it very difficult to heat them to the proper internal temperature.)

I mean, I would know if I (or the baby!) had already been affected by the salmonella, right?

::runs off to webMD::

Frick.

What are symptoms of salmonella infection?
Salmonella infection (salmonellosis) can cause diarrhea (which may be bloody), fever, nausea, vomiting, and abdominal pain. Symptoms typically start 12-72 hours after infection.

All of those symptoms can also be caused by PREGNANCY.

18 weeks

Maternity clothes: This, or Nick's clothes.

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: Lovin' every minute of it.

Best moment this week: Friday at 5:00. I'm just so not into work.

Movement: Here and there...

Food cravings: Mac & cheese, pickles, and butter. Butter! I know! But I can't resist making toast or a bagel and LOADING that bad boy up with butter.

Gender: Still don't know...

What I miss: Having more than 4 options of outfits for work to choose from.

What I am looking forward to: When Nick can feel the kicks too.

What I have learned: I now realize how easy it is to freak out over nothing! When I realized I hadn't felt any movement in a couple days it was very easy to imagine all sorts of things that could be wrong, and then it was very easy to find more symptoms of things going wrong...

Milestones: I think I started getting Braxton Hicks contractions today. Them shits hurt.

16 weeks

Maternity clothes: Say hello to the FULL BELLY coverage pants. Like buttah.

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: OMG Snoogle pillow = Best. Sleep. Ever.
Best moment this week: My doctor's appt. First the nurse tells me I haven't gained ANY weight this past month. Then, as we're listening to the heartbeat, I hear: whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh THUD whoosh whoosh. The nurse says "I heard a kick..." I say, "That IS what that was feeling! I didn't know for sure!"

Movement: YAY! Thanks for kicking the microphone, sweet pea!

Food cravings/aversions: STILL with the chicken pot pies. Also mac & cheese, and pickles. Fried pickles... Yum.

Gender: GAH I don't know.

What I miss: NOT being treated like a human incubator. I was acutally called "the oven".

What I am looking forward to: Kicks vs. flutters. I'm sure I will regret saying this.

What I have learned: Lesson not completely learned yet, but I'm trying to get better at letting people's stupid comments roll off my back.

Milestones: Flutters...

14 weeks

Maternity clothes: Yay! Went shopping with Mom and Jen while in Florida and got a couple more things, and then a girl at work was cleaning out her closet and gave me a bunch of stuff too!

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: Not bad, usually. Last night was rough because of my sore throat and stuffy nose. Stupid dumb allergies.

Best moment this week: I got to see my mom!

Movement: Finally had a bowel movement after 3 days! Hahaha...

Food cravings/aversions: I still don't really want meat, except for the chicken in my lovely chicken pot pies.

Gender: Feeling boy this week.

What I miss: The small bit of motivation I used to have to clean up the kitchen or do a load of laundry.

What I am looking forward to: Getting my sense of smell and taste back so I can enjoy my food again!

What I have learned: I don't think I am a happy, glowy type of pregnant woman. I think I just have a good ability to put up with lots of crap.

Milestones: Full-on 2nd trimester!

12 weeks

Maternity clothes: I don't even bother to wear anything but maternity clothes. Why should I? Picked up a pair of jeans, a pair of capris, and a couple tents shirts from Target. Woot!

Stretch marks: Nope. *fingers crossed*

Sleep: Love sleep again! Going to bed at 9:30 is awesome, and the last few nights I didn't have to get up to pee!

Best moment this week: At doc appt #2, we heard the little heartbeat! 156 beats per minute puts our sweet pea just a tad on the higher side of the normal range, which is 120-180 bpm.

Movement: Not baby movement, but my uterus has now moved above my pelvic bone where I can FEEL IT! This is awesome and weird. Awesomely weird.

Food cravings/aversions: Cravings and aversions have calmed down quite a bit, most likely thanks to my new BFF, Zofran. It's a lovely little pill that takes away the nausea. *happy dance*

Gender: A girl wouldn't be so bad I guess...

What I miss: I miss NOT being tired.

What I am looking forward to: Seeing the baby? Check. Hearing the baby? Check. Now I want to feel the baby!

What I have learned: If you feel crappy, call the doctor's office and complain to the nurse. At the worst, she will tell you to come into the office to get checked out. At best, she will tell you what you're feeling is normal and not to worry, she will help you fix it. If the doctor is willing to prescribe you drugs, take them.

Milestones: Heartbeat!

10 weeks.

Maternity clothes: Ahh, Walmart. Got two pairs of pants for $9 each. And had to buy a new bra again.

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: Still going to bed about 9:30 every night, cuz when I'm asleep I don't feel like poo.

Best moment this week: One day I felt good. For like, HOURS at a time. It was awesome.

Movement: Yeah my waistline is "moving".

Food cravings/aversions: Cravings change by the minute... but ususally include bread, soup, and fruit. Aversions = anything not currently on the crave list.

Gender: A lot of the old wives tales (and a few of the old bags themselves) have been telling me girl. So now I want a boy to prove the effers wrong.

What I miss: Still miss being able to eat normal meals without fear.

What I am looking forward to: Either my next doctor's appt or the one after that where we will get to hear the heartbeat. Also, end of 1st tri when hopefully all this gagging will stop.

What I have learned: If I thought Nick was awesome before, he's only proven it to me again and again. Run to the store for ginger ale? Sure! Drive out to taco bell/panera/chitty diner instead of eating the groceries we just got? No problem! (Love you bb)

Milestones: Fetus!

9 weeks

Sorry I didn't do a quiz for week 9. I was busy feeling seasick.

Here's the highlight:

Milestone: Baby is offically a fetus! No more embryo up in this bitch!

(Get it?)

8 weeks

How far along?

Maternity clothes: Meh, need some. My fat pants don't even fit anymore.

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: Going to bed early, waking up a lot.

Best moment this week: Well, I guess the best thing about my week of constant nausea is that I haven't actually thrown up...

Movement: Nope

Food cravings/aversions: Ugggghhhh no food. Food bad.

Gender: *sigh* I don't know.

What I miss: FOOD! I miss being able to eat!!

What I am looking forward to: Um, food!

What I have learned: I'm not going to be able to tell people I was one of the lucky ones who "never got sick", even though I think when people say that it's a load of crap and they either forgot about how crappy they felt or they for some reason want everyone to think they had the most perfect pregnancy ever and can do nothing but feel sorry for me and offer some crappy home remedy shit that doesn't work.

Milestones: I guess the start of morning sickness. First time I called out of work sick due to pregnancy.

Wow, so that post revolved around food. Good grief.

7 weeks

How far along: 7 weeks

Maternity clothes: Got one of those Be Bands from Target. It's like a tube top that you wear around your waist to cover up the fact that your pants are unbuttoned.

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: I still love sleep, but I've been having trouble staying asleep. Seems like I wake up at least twice a night, wide awake, and have to lay there and try to get my comfy spot back without waking Nick up.

Best moment this week: I got a picture of you, baby blob! Also... Movement: None that I could feel, but we saw the flutter of a heartbeat!!!

Food cravings/aversions: Still craving pizza/I discovered this morning that I want nothing to do with tuna fish.

Gender: I think I want a girl too, but I've been feeling boy.

What I miss: Can't think of a single thing right now.

What I am looking forward to: going to Chicago this weekend! Yeah, we decided to go even with everything that's going on at work, we still felt like we deserved a little baby-moon. So, Sears Tower, Navy Pier and Lincoln Park Zoo here we come!

What I have learned: When it comes to doctor's appointments, you must be willing to WAIT.

Milestones: First prenatal appt, first ultrasound (which was free - love that doc), first official pounds gained due to pregnancy, not just due to being a hog.

Also, I changed the color scheme from pink to green because we don't know if sweet pea is a boy or a girl, but I do know that sweet peas are green.

My beautiful blob

Here's sweet pea's first photo:


Click to enlarge!
Yeah, I know. We don't know which end is which either. But it's real and it's ours and we love you, blob.

Preg PIZZA

I made it through last week feeling just great, then starting last weekend, BAM! It's not the typical morning sickness... I haven't felt like going for it and just barfing, it's little things. Like, if I don't eat every two hours I start to feel bad. Like when I brush my teeth I get that uh-oh! feeling in my throat. Like, it's 11:00 am and I'm hungry, but NOTHING sounds good.

I tried to be prepared... peanut butter crackers, pretzels, baked chips and grapes are all on hand here at work. Nice, bland food with slight differences in texture just to have my bases covered, and the grapes thrown in just in case I want sweet. But, NO. I want pizza. Ooooh, PIZZA! Thank God I brought Stouffer's flatbread pizzas for lunch otherwise I'd be cranky.

Maybe I'll go make one now.

6 weeks

For ease of operations since I am about to be very busy (and broke) for the rest of my life... I intend to do a weekly post, and some may include a picture of the fatness. No picture today though, because if we wait around for that, it will be another week before I get the dang thing loaded on here.

How far along: 6 weeks

Maternity clothes: Not yet, but my pants are tight. Stupid bloat.

Stretch marks: Nope. I found out they're supposed to be hereditary and my mom didn't have much trouble with this, so hopefully I'll luck out.

Sleep: I love sleep, even more than usual. I went to bed at 9:30 last Saturday night.

Best moment this week: Feeling like I'm kicking that smoking habit's ASS!

Movement: NONE, of course. (answer was left from where I copied it from another pregnant girl's blog)

Food cravings/aversions: Craving pizza

Gender: Nick wants a girl... I... don't know.

What I miss: Beer.

What I am looking forward to: Seeing the heartbeat at our doctor's appt next week!

What I have learned: My digestive system has s l o w e d t o a c r a w l. Because of this, every time I eat I get that ate way too much/almost went to the bad place feeling. I need to start eating slower, and probably should stop BEFORE I start to feel at all full.

Milestones: Due to the bloat, occasional cramping and pizza craving, I FEEL pregnant this week. Yay.

You're killin' me Smalls!

This is going to be a boring post.

Just warning you.

I am so tired today. Over the past three days I've worked a total of 36 hours. It's not just the long hours that are getting to me, it's the fact that I've been at 2 jobs for the same company, working my ass off, trying to get noticed. Fighting to keep your job when you're not even sure it will do any good is not fun.

This is the kind of uncertainty I really hate. What do you do when your best may not be good enough?

Here's what's up.

At home: I felt really crappy and crampy after my “procedure” and I slept most of the day.
(Thanks Rachel, for describing it better than I could.)

The good news is that Doc said everything looked normal so that's one thing off my mind. Nick gave a sample… he took the day off with me to drive me home so we figured just get it all done in one day. We are still waiting on the results from that, but I am not too worried.

At work: Things have been pretty crazy. I got moved from the finance department to working the front desk for the whole company. I guess this is technically a promotion but for now it is only temporary. TEMPORARY.

The whole story is: there was a girl here that was pregnant and due May 1st. She ended up having her baby last week (2 months early!). So, this week coming up is the Big Show and now they are short handed and of course the company is not making as much money.

(What company is? Seriously, let me know... I need a new job!)

So they fired one guy that was working in finance and instead of firing me too they moved me here and the girl that was here is now training to do the new mom’s job. IF the new mom decides to come back to work after her maternity leave, I may or may not have a job, depending on how business is doing. BAD NEWS.

We are still going ahead with our kitchen project, I am expecting a check from a life insurance policy that I cancelled and we were going to use that money for the countertops and backsplash rather than using the Home Depot card because those are the really expensive parts and we didn’t want to finance that much. We used the credit card (before I found out about this mess) for the paint and bought a pantry cabinet that Nick and Dan already installed. (It looks great!)

I will post kitchen pics as soon as I bounce back.

I will just save that check for a rainy day (or 2 mortgage payments) but we are probably not going to Chicago because even if I do have a job in April I won’t have any vacation time until May.

Brought to you by the letter "Z".

I've gotten myself into something here. I was doing some blog reading, and one girl was handing out letters for something called a meme. It's like one of those Facebook things where you're supposed to name ten things that you love, but they all have to start with the same randomly chosen letter. I got Z. HA!

Here goes:

1. Zzzzz's. I seriously love sleep. Anyone who knows me knows that I LUUUV sleep.

Not only is sleep usually the best cure for most ailments... sometimes the only reason I get out of bed in the morning is that I promise myself I will go to bed early that night.

I think it might be an inherited skill, because me and my brother have always been sleepers...

10 hours? Been there, done that. 12 hours? Most Sundays! 14? Now we're talkin'.

We've decided that if we were going to be in a band together (Like Hanson! Only not nearly as gimp!) we would name the band Defenders of Sleep.


2. Zuma! An awesomely fun game which requires the player to have only one two skills. The ability to use a mouse and see colors. One of my very favorite ways to waste time while I should be balancing the checkbook.


3. Zach Braff. Oh, J.D., could you be more cute, silly, freakish and heartwarmingly honest?
Also, I wish the "Zach Braff Effect" could have a counterpart called the "NinjaPanza Effect", where I would have a say in what bands/artists* do not get airplay.

*tangent alert - I'm about to go off here...*

See, it would take a LOT of time and effort for me to decide that a band/artist* is SO GOOD that they would deserve some serious promotion. On the other hand, I can decide when something SUCKS within seconds of hearing it. That's my gift to give to the world. Veto power.

To have an influence over what bands got radio play would be really REALLY cool... but I have issues with that kind of responsibility. I barely tell anyone about this here blog because then people might read it, which would mean I'd have to post on a regular basis! Oh, the pressure! But, I digress.

*cuz no one except for silly ol' Alicia Keys plays an instrument anymore

4. Zooey Deschanel. How cute is this girl? And she can sing!! Check out her band here.
If there is anyone in the free world that a) reads this and b) hasn't seen Elf, get thee to the video store!

(I would have posted a pic from Elf, but I like her better rockin' the brunette.)

5. ZZ Top. This is not really a specific love of the band, although those 2 guys DO have some really awesome beards.

(The letter is Z! I'm struggling here!)

Plus, the song La Grange gives me warm fuzzies because:

a) It's fun to play on Rock Band. (I'm the drummer... I got sucked into this game by my giant video game geek husband whom I adore and was only trying to appease. Joke's on me.)

b) My mom told me a story about when she and my dad were young, still dating, and this song was popular on the radio. They would sit around with friends and do this foot-tapping, knee-slapping jig that would be way too hard to describe. Nevertheless, it was a sweet story about happier times and I appreciated it.


6. Zoos. No, really! I really do like going to the zoo!

OK... well, think about it, have you ever gone to the zoo and had a bad time? There you go.

The elephants are my favorite.

7. Zero Puncuation. So silly. I discovered this from hubby watching G4. I mostly paid attention because they were making fun of Halo. So sue me.

8. Zillow. I was way into checking this site back when we were buying our house. Now, I kind of hate it for telling me what I already knew... the value of our home has dropped since we bought it. Shit. No refinancing the mortgage for me.

9. The cursive letter z. Because it's in my last name and I like to write it.

Yeah that was a cop-out. I don't care.

10. The Zodiac. Fortune cookies, Magic 8-ball, Ouija board... they got nothin' on the good old Libra, Virgo and Scorpio. I am a Scorpio, married to a Libra. It's funny how you can make life into what you want, and then turn around and make some random gibberish about Saturn being in your house of Finance into:

"Oh my God! I should be getting some money this month? Hey! And my tax return is due any day now!!"

Scorpio Love & Relationships Daily:
It's not too early to start planning your summer vacation. Talk to your honey about where you'd both like to go. Having something to look forward to will help you get
through the rest of winter.

"Oh wow! Nick and I started planning our summer vacations already... I'm so glad the stars thought this was a good idea! Maybe we should book our hotel now...?"

Name droppin': My letter came from Tia, who got her letter from alexa. These are two of my new favorite things to read. Everyone should check them out!

Surprisingly upbeat.

Got the test results back from my wonderfully long-winded Dr. Man. All hormone levels met his approval... which is a very very good thing!

Although I haven't "started" my next "cycle" yet... I think I can pretty safely assume that this month will be a bust... I got a negative HPT this morning.

For Valentine's Day hubby and I are going to eat at Steak ~n~ Shake (it's our tradition... what?) then stopping by the drugstore to pick up some Ovulation Predictor Kits. Romantic as hell, right?!?

On a brighter note, I am pretty darned pleased with my own attitude. It feels good to be taking matters into my own hands... makes me feel like I may still have a little bit of control a clue what's going on here. I am kinda lovin' life right now. I don't know where this "look on the bright side" attitude is coming from but hell, I'm taking advantage of it! I'm going to go spend the rest of the day with my husband!

Optimism rules!!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Testing...

So my doctor's appt was uneventful. They took some blood to check my hormones and make sure they're where they should be. Thankfully, my wonderful doctor did not say any of the things that make me angry. (i.e. "keep trying", "it'll happen when you least expect it")

The things he did say, not only made me feel better, but some even made me laugh... here's an example:
(the only one I can remember right now)

Doc: Are you having sex?
Me: Yes...
Doc: Good! This would have been a very short appointment if your answer had been No!

So now, waiting for test results... (I'm not even that scared!) and once those results are in, deciding if and when we will do the next test, which is an X-ray to make sure my tubes are not blocked. (Now THAT'S scary!)

Rescheduled.

My doctor's appt. has been rescheduled to Monday, the 9th.

Apparently, some baby decided that it was time to join the world at the exact time I had my appointment, so Dr. Man had to go deliver him or her.

Did I use italics enough to signify that I was being sarcastic?

Congratulations, who ever you are!

I'm a follower.

There aren't many times when people (including me) type LOL and actually mean it. This shit made me laugh OUT LOUD. So loud that it actually promtped "What's going on in there?" from the other room. If I were creative enough to make my own (I know there are pix of Rox that are caption-worthy) it would probably make my head explode to type that stupid language.

Sumbudee sez dis iz a job fer da grammer pleece. *bang*

Ahh, it's been a good day. I've been surfing, reading what Tia has to say, then of course, reading what all of her followers said about what she said, and then, surfing over to some links like like cheeszburger and twenty-something. This makes me laugh because in a few short months I will no longer be twenty-something.

I'm gonna go see if sick husband wants some tea. Then I'm gonna come back here and see if there ain't some more people I could become a fan of.

Bitch, please.

Somebody recently said to me: "You're really doing well. You're working up to your potential. You're doing what I knew you were capable of. I'm proud of you."

What??

You would think I would take this as a compliment... and if it were really a compliment I would take it as such. But it's not. It's a veiled way of saying, "You are getting good at being my bitch. Oh, and don't fuck it up."

Bitch, you don't know me! I could do YOUR job... hell, give me a couple weeks and I'll be doing it better and faster!

It's time again.

I'm not going to put off doing our taxes this year. That's because this year, I should be getting a refund instead of owing. I'm sore afraid because the numbers are what they are and if it comes out bad I'm gonna be really upset. I'm still skeptical about that BS from last year, because I have never owed, ever. But hey I guess shit happens and hopefully by changing our filing status we will have averted another tragedy.

Still gotta get those local taxes straightened out though. Stupid Ridgeville only gives us 10% of 1% credit toward what we pay to the city we work in. Which is like 5 dollars or something. Lame.

Anyhoo, wish me luck!

Mmm...

So, yeah. Everyone knows that Nick is a great cook, but today we ate the best thing in the whole world. I flipped over to the food network about noon today and saw a woman stuffing chicken mixed with sour cream and some other stuff I didn't recognize into a giant noodle. After all noodles were stuffed she said, "Then, we pour on the cheese sauce." Now, the reason this meal is post-worthy is that as soon as she started to pour the cheese, I was up off the couch and in here on the computer trying to find the recipe. I knew I had to have it, and I know that Nick is always up for trying out new recipes and just about anything that lets him get his foodie on.

Here it is:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/sunny-anderson/maniladas-with-white-cheese-and-roasted-tomatillo-sauces-recipe/index.html

It's quite a bit of work (maybe I just think so because the most complicated thing I ever make is breakfast) but it's totally worth it.

Douchebags

I think I'm done stalking the message boards at thebump.com. It used to be full of information, with people asking for tips and advice, but not recently. Lately, if you're not a regular who stays on there all day then no one will respond to your posts. Or, if you're new and ask a question about something that they think is common knowledge, they will call you a douchebag and tell you you're stupid.

One funny thing I did get from a message on there is a quote from someone's signature:

"If one more person tells me to "just relax and it will happen" I'm going to tear off their head and throw it over the fence."

That just about sums up how I feel today. I guess some people just don't get my frustration: for once in my life I know exactly what I want, but for SIX months I have been unable to have it. People have been more impatient over less! Say someone were waiting for something really important to them, like money. And then say this person had been waiting six months to get it, and didn't know when it was coming, AND wasn't 100% sure that it would EVER come... would they be faulted for being impatient? Would they be told to "relax, and it would happen eventually?"

I realize that I don't have a lot of the problems that some people have. I haven't been diagnosed with any problems, my cycles are regular, I'm realativley young... but just because I don't have any problems that have official names, that doesn't mean I don't have issues.

Oh and by the way:

I dont care how long it took you to get pregnant.
I REALLY don't care that it just takes time.
I realize everyone is different. I'm trying to get pregnant... I'm not mentally retarded.
And I don't care if you think I'm being irrational.

Thought.

Got an email from my grandma today, and whoever it was that forwarded it to her said:
"And you tho't the Harlem Globetrotters could handle a ball!"

I find it ironic that the three letters taken out of this word are the exact letters used to express disgust. Ugh is right.

Chicago!

We're planning a trip to Chicago in April, kind of for our anniversary, but mostly because Nick's never been and we want to have a vacation that's just the two of us before a baby comes. As much as I bitch about how I've been wanting to get knocked up and how it's been almost six months and I feel like it will never happen, I'm optimistic that it will be soon. So, I've been trying to look for activites that will still be fun when I'm fat.

As of right now: (notice - lots of food)
Leaving Thursday April 9th
Friday: weather permitting: the Lincoln Park Zoo (it's free!), Chicago-style hot dogs and pizza, visiting Navy Pier, a boat tour - one that goes up thru the city, and possibly includes lunch or dinner
Saturday: Sears or Hancock tower (not sure which), maybe a museum, Buckingham Fountain, Fogo de Chao (a Brazilian steakhouse - thanks for the tip, Jen!)
Sunday: sleeping late, driving home

Cute!

My camera takes pretty darn good videos. And our computer has a movie editor.
Here is what I've done:

This is hard.

It's been 5 months (in two weeks it will be six) and I'm starting to develop real animosity toward everyone who has the things that I so desperatley want. My cousins, my friends, my coworkers, even random people on the internet who post their ultrasound pictures.

Today I read another blog by a girl who's been TTC for over 2 years. She said she feels the way I do about other people who have what she wants, but that also she realized "the grass is always greener". She probably has something that other people envy.

It feels kind of wrong to try and think of something that I have that other people would want, but it's so easy to see that my relationship with my husband must be that thing. I can't imagine that anyone would look at our marriage and not envy it. I could go on and on listing his admirable qualities, but the truth is it's only perfect for me. No one else needs to know... no. No one else would understand why these things are so important.

Anyway, what I really want is to make a baby with this amazing man. I want to share him with someone because I know he will be as wonderful a father as he is a husband.

Stick baby, stick!

It's not as bad as I thought it would be.
The core of a pineapple tastes just like the rest of a pineapple, only chewier and less sweet.
Hope it works.

The pineapple express.

No, not the movie, the fruit. According to some message boards at thebump.com (where I am an on and off lurker) pineapple core contains bromelain enzymes which are supposed to help implantation by reducing inflammation. The suggestion was to slice the core of a pineapple into 5 sections and eat 1 piece each day after ovulation. Since I haven't been charting, I'm assuming I ovulated today (14 days before expected period).

Mom bought pineapple when she was here over New Years and made sure to bring me the core.
Sunday Nick went to the grocery and brought home a pineapple. Cute.

Good riddance.

2008 was poopy. I have a list of things to do in 09 working in my head. I'll post it when I finish it.

Having people over for New Years actually turned out really well! A little drinking, a little Rock Band, and a lot of laughs. Really a great night!