Friday, February 19, 2010

This Blog Sucks

And here's why:

I am such an awful procrastinator. I have all these wonderful blog posts rattling around in my head, but I can't post them. Why? Because I'm behind in my blogging. Doesn't make sense, does it? See: I can't post about what happened the other day while pumping at work, because I haven't posted Ollie's 2 month pictures (or 3 months either, hell).

Working titles of the posts half formulated in my head:
  • Pumping the boobs - tips and tricks, awkward moments at work, and the pressure of building a freezer stash
  • 100 reasons why I love my son's dad
  • I think I like my job!
  • How does she DO that? a.k.a. Krista's "I'm not dealing with that shit" life
  • OH the drama of my car
  • Oliver's first Christmas (CRAP!)
  • A hard habit to break  
  • Baby, you can have whatever you like
And I have a few videos! I want to edit the videos and post them because he gives such great smiles and lives to play with his daddy and he smiles at the pictures on his nursery walls! Oh and he loves his mobile so much! The world needs to see these things but I put it off and put it off because I don't have time at work to really put the thought into it, and at home I get so distracted wanting to spend every waking second just looking at him.

So here's the real problem: it's gone from "eh, I'll get to it this weekend" to "oh crap I am so far behind I'll never catch up, so screw it."
But I can't do that because I love writing and from what my family and friends say I'm good at it and they enjoy reading it. So I have to fix this. It may be a jumbled mess around here for a while, but I can't just give up (the way I have apparently given up scrapbooking *sob*) because I feel like if I don't keep up with some kind of chronicle of his life then I'll forget all the little moments that are just SO special... the same ones that keep me rushing home from work to be no more than inches away from him all evening.

But it's not just the blog. I haven't balanced the checkbook in two months. Yeah, the bills get paid (with the exception of the water bill because the stupid computer doesn't remind me and my lovely spiral bound calendar of when things are due is long buried - oops.) I hate knowing there are piles of papers, envelopes and receipts waiting to consume me.
I can't get organized because I'm SO unorganized. I still need to file our taxes, but if course how am I supposed to do that when there are bills to be organized and the computer room is in shambles?

I had to wear Nick's socks to work the other day for cryin' out loud! Would I rather stress myself out and run late in the morning than do a freaking load of laundry on a weeknight? Answer: no. But you can't tell from the state of my closet/hamper/laundry room!
And don't get me started on the dog hair, the inch of dust, the icky toilet, the coffee stained kitchen floor. The only reason the dishes ever get done is Nick the Amazing cleans the kitchen
before Ollie gets a bath!

In short, I feel like I'm failing at this whole working mom thing. I have no routine. I'm LAZY. There are so many women who get it right and I feel like I'm not one of them... but I could be.

Which brings me to my POINT du jour... what I realized the other night while laying in bed nursing him to sleep... if I just DO THE SHIT that's been bugging me and giving me that nagging feeling in the back of my brain every night, then my time spent with him will be that much BETTER!

I recalled this post from No Ordinary Rollercoaster (thanks Ben - no you don't know me but I lurk and intend to comment often) which I will paraphrase:
"The other day I had an epiphany... "DUDE. DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN ACTUALLY JUST DO STUFF AND THEN IT STOPS STRESSING YOU OUT?!?!?!"

What I wouldn't give to be stress-free, without this awful feeling that I'm being naughty by putting off the "important" household tasks that need attention. Dishes and laundry and vaccuuming are stupid, yes. But if I would just DO IT, then I could actually move on to more entertaining tasks like blogging, and packing up all the adorable tiny outfits that Oliver no longer fits into because OH MY God he is getting to be such a big boy with the holding his head up all the time and the SMILES...

... there I go again.

I just want to let my shoulders relax and enjoy being a mom. So I will. THIS WEEKEND. STARTING RIGHT NOW.

I will no longer be a lazy sack of crap. I will not let my OWN life overwhelm me anymore.

This blog will no longer suck.