so, this is Christmas?

I've been wondering when the mood will strike me. I can't remember... does it always take this long? I overhear conversations about trees and decorations and I see houses with lights and I wonder where my Christmas spirit went off to. (As if I don't know.) Nick has been asking me if I'm OK more than usual lately, so I guess I'm being quiet or something.

I'm working on getting the shopping done. Maybe that will help? I'm trying to make things feel happy and bright, because my sweet boy deserves a cheerful Christmas.

I know it shouldn't be that hard. And part of me thinks that maybe I'm over anylizing the sadness. I only sometimes feel like I'm walking on eggshells, not saying the things that we're all thinking, about how this year it will be so hard without Nick's mom here with us.

On the other hand, I'm not forcing anything... when I do get all excited about decorating and baking and cooking it is coming from a natural, real place. I want to be cheerful and shit but don't know when I'm crossing the line into annoying. I feel guilty for being happy, for having my mom.

My friend Jess tells me he will tell let me know if he needs something from me, and reminds me not to forget that I'm grieving too.

the thank you cards are done!

If you're family and/or friends who came to the party... you may not want to look. Otherwise, I had to share the awesome thank you I made on Shutterfly... featuring the Elbow Cake pictures!

Bold Dots Thank You Card

Thank you and personalized Valentine's Day cards by Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

top 5: Christmas Songs!!

Here my Top 5 favorite "unconventional" Christmas songs (that until today I hadn't heard yet this year).

1. For some reason, Paul McCartney gets hated on. I like it. This is a pretty cool montage video, too.


2. This amazing duet never fails to get me all choked up.


3. Shush. I hadn't heard it. Now I have.


4. Bruce Springsteen Rocks. :)


5. Mariah Carey may be a bit wackadoo, but she's got pipes.


BONUS: Because I COULDN'T help myself when I saw the video was available on YouTube.

top 5: November 30th

Here are my top five six things about November 30th:

1. It's my Papa's birthday. Today Oliver randomly sang Happy Birthday while we were playing after dinner.
2. It's the last day of NaBloPoMo. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't relieved. It's definitely pushed my limits, and caused me to see blog posts in daily life. I think I've done pretty well though, at accomplishing my goal. I've grown a bit as a writer, meaning (to me) I'll take those seemingly insignificant moments and really analyze what they mean(to me), what they could mean (to me), and learn from them.
3. This morning we woke up to the first snowfall of the season. Oliver was pretty darn cute about it, with the excitement in his voice saying, "Whatzat mama?" and "it's snow! ooooh wow!"
4. (Tomorrow) it can officially be Christmastime around here. It's not just about "respecting the turkey" but also about trying to squeeze the last bit of fall fun I can out of the year. Plus, trying to put off the seasonal affective disorder (which I'm sure I have). It gets really cold in Cleveland.
5. I did a bit of shopping online today, but didn't meet my goal of being done with Christmas shopping before December. I do still plan to do almost all of our gift-buying online this year, but I better get on the ball (so we I don't end up obsessively tracking shipments due to arrive on December 21st and freaking the fuck out because it would really suck to have no gifts to give and have to explain that I'm a loser and didn't order them in time so here's a printed-out-from-Amazon picture of what we bought you). Not that that's happened. (But almost.)
6. Numbered list, run-on sentences, and overuse of parentheses to end National Blog Posting Month? WIN.

most nights

Most nights I don't pick up the house even though I know I should, and that I'd feel better for having done it.

Most nights I don't do the dishes, even though I'd be better off in the morning not having to wash a coffee cup.

These are the few hours a day where we can be a couple, and lately we've needed it.

The holidays are going to be busy... we're already booked every weekend in December.

So the dishes can wait, and the toys can stay on the living room floor.

I'm going to snuggle with my husband and watch mindless TV for an hour.

a quick story

Tonight was supposed to be a regular night. I drove home from work and picked up my guys. The plan was to head out to Taco Bell for dinner and then go grocery shopping. The first part went well, Ollie had mostly potatoes for dinner, he called them french fries. I took him to the bathroom to change his diaper, while Nick went out to start the car. He got in on the passenger side, started the car, then decided to be chivalrous and pull the car around to the door of the restaurant. He got out, went around to the driver's side and

(I bet you can tell where this is going.)

the doors were locked. All of them. With the car running.

Ollie and I came out, him happily running through the rain, and Nick tells me we're locked out of the car.

To our credit, no one lost their shit. (Emotions have been running high 'round these parts, you know.) We stood there for a minute, me basically looking shocked, Nick saying "I don't know how this happened!" and Oliver still happily letting the rain fall on his face.

Luckily, Nick hadn't left his phone in the car, so we were able to call Uncle Bob down the street and he drove over to our house, went inside and got Nick's keys, and drove them out to Taco Bell to rescue us.

My sweet boy was so good the whole time, too. He played chase around the restaurant for a while, and then when more customers came in, he settled down and didn't disturb anyone. He was just excited that Uncle Bob was coming to see us at the restaurant.

This just goes to show you that family is not only who you're related to by blood, but also who you're related to by heart. We are lucky to have some really great people in our life.

My car was low on gas, so we went to the station to fill up. When I got back in the car, Oliver kept saying "go see Bob" and "go see Ellie" and "go see Bogey" (their dog). I thought that was a great idea, so instead of going to the grocery store and winding up with an overtired toddler by the end of the trip, off we went to visit.

He ended up awake past his bedtime anyway, what with the dog to play with and Aunt Ellie feeding him bananas, but hey... it was a good time and no one was cranky.

Thank God for family and friends who we call family!

the long weekend

It's glorious, and a pain in the ass all at the same time. There's such a build up to holiday weekends. Slugging through that last workday, with the promise three or four whole days off? Anticipation is the best...

I always expect so much out of those extra days off. Our cleaning schedule is basically in place... it has been thrown off with all the party planning and the business of hosting Thanksgiving - the past month cleaning has come in spurts more like it used to, but hey - we're not living in squalor. I got a few loads of laundry done and the kitchen is clean (because we ate leftovers). This weekend we didn't have a ton of stuff to catch up on, just more sorting and clearing out... so I feel like there should be all kinds of extra time.

But you know what I did with my "extra" time?

Saturday afternoon - the weather was sunny and in the mid-60s

The whole family went to the park (Even Roxie!)

We played on the slides, the jungle gym, and the swings.

So we may not have gotten an extra weekend's worth of things done around the house, but it was a great weekend... totally worth it!