the new and different things

Hi.

Wanna buy a house? We're selling the house (trying to at least), and looking for a new house with either an extra bedroom or a finished basement or both. Our current house is a ranch, which is great for old people and stuff but not so much for people that need storage or plan to have more than one child.

Because I'm pregnant ::confetti:: and a three bedroom with no basement is already not cutting it.

Yay baby! I'm 17 weeks along right now, and we're all very excited. Oliver insists it's a baby sister; I have no idea whatsoever. I do want to do some sort of pregnancy thing for this kid like I did with Ollie... at the very least because this will be my last pregnancy... so maybe I'll resurrect the quiz thing, that counts!

Speaking of which, 2 months later... how are the resolution/goals going?

Writing more has not really panned out. Obv. I have been reading more though, so I give myself half credit on that, since it involves my brain + words.

Right.

Let's see... I'm doing well with the water, and I'm pretty proud of myself for checking in with friends. I love my friends and it's easy to send a quick text or email and keep those connections strong. I'm also counting my mom time in here, because she's also important and good for me.

The money saving thing kinda went haywire because of the house, but I'm getting stuff in order. Including unsubscribing from a lot of tempting emails - even Zulily!

I have been kicking ass at work lately. I should have put "kick ass at work" instead of "be on time" and then I could be all YEAH, go me!

And I have been happily focusing on my marriage... especially since baby #2 is due in August and I'm prepared for the adding of another child to our family resulting in decreased QT with my husband. I've got something up my sleeve for our anniversary at the end of the month, so this is check plus.

So I'm happy, stressed, focused and hormonal. Life is grand. Till next time!

coping

I found a torn-out corner of a pamphlet someone gave me at the hospital, some time in 2009. I don't know if it was originally in the giant folder of crap we got with our paid admission to the pregnancy/labor/baby care class, or in the giant packet of crap we got with our paid admission to the maternity ward.
Either way, I distinctly remember tearing off this corner of the page, just after returning to work. I remember thinking, "if I can just keep this in mind, I'll be OK."

COPING 

Many mothers returning to work hit a wall of exhaustion and frustration with their manic schedules, and they experience a sense of guilt from leaving their baby behind. These feelings are universal, and with the support of your partner and a sense of perspective, you will soon feel better and settle into a routine.

Let your partner take responsibility for the meals and household chores so that you can focus on working, nursing, and resting. Save the laundry, heavy cleaning and shopping for the weekends, when you can rest and then do these chores together.

Use your nursing time to relax and reconnect with your baby. Sit or lie in a quiet place, and enjoy the experience. Remember to keep a sense of perspective; this is a relatively short span in the length of your life and your child's. A meaningful relationship with your healthy baby will outweigh a rough couple of months.

(emphasis mine) 

It is so true. So, so true. I still think about how hard those first few months back at work really were. I was not a good employee. I was absolutely in survival mode. It was such a struggle, every day, leaving him at day care to go to work. I hated every moment away from him.

But, I treasure every memory I have of sitting quietly with my tiny baby. The fact that those moments were not only fleeting but few and far between, while we adjusted to our new life, made them all the more special to me. It was the best decision I ever made, even if I was lacking in other areas of my life, to stop and just be present with my boy.

That time went by so fast, and it was so worth it to let everything else go for a while.

Now? I'm so proud of Oliver, I could burst. He's so smart, and sweet, and beautiful. I made it through that toughest time, and came out on the other side with an amazing little boy who, I have no doubt, knows just how much his Mommy loves him.

I don't know everything, but I know what I want.

I still read lots of articles and blogs about birth.

Ever since I experienced it, I feel close to it, like that magical motherhood club that you are automatically initiated into, I am now part of the natural (med-free) birth club. Even that right there, the re-defining of natural birth, is something I've only learned since giving birth. Some people define natural birth as simply delivering vaginally. There is a whole other community of people trying to change this definition, or at least reinforce that 'natural' means so much more. Natural birth can be a wonderful thing that leaves you feeling like you can take on the world, and I would know. Many studies and stories have taught me that having a med-free birth is better for breastfeeding too, since the baby and mother have no drugs in their system (except of course for the natural endorphin rush).

(Let me stop right here to say: I am not trying to change anyone's mind about their pregnancy, birth or feeding choices. If you're planning an induction? You're having a baby! Joy! As long as you feed your baby? Breast or bottle - you're a GREAT parent! I believe that moms should just support each other.)

I am by no means judging anyone whose choices are different than mine. What I'm trying to get into is the sadness I feel when I read about someone who wants to have a med-free labor and birth but gets pushed into interventions or even get things done to them without their consent or knowledge! Women who want to breastfeed but end up unable to because of unsupportive (or uneducated - a scary thought) hospital staff or because the pain of a c-section and recovery keep them from feeling comfortable with nursing.

I get that shit happens, things beyond our control sometimes will make medical interventions completely necessary. And honestly, thank God for them, because when needed they are there and can save lives.

The problem, in my eyes, is the lack of knowledge people seem to have about the whole thing. Can you really rely on the doctor to help you through the whole process? And if you do feel you can completely trust your doctor... does that mean that you don't need to have any research done, or any thoughts or ideas of your own? This is what upsets me, and has been clanging around in my brain over the past year and a half... why are women leaving their births up to someone else?

It is so common now for pregnant women to just assume that their caregivers (OB, Midwife, nurses, etc.) will always do what's in the best interest of the mother and baby. But when giving birth in a hospital, which is the standard - and birth centers or *gasp* home births are for hippies - it is unfortunately usually just a matter of doing what's routine for the doctors and nurses, not necessarily what the mother wants.

I've said before and I'll say again, I know I'm lucky to have such a great hospital nearby, and a wonderful OB and midwives in the practice I chose. But I also know that it's not necessarily everything it could be. A while after I wrote out my birth story, and after I dove into some online reading, I re-read it and was shocked to see my own words - in my rose-colored hindsight I had completely forgotten about the blown vein and the monitoring fiasco.

The first time I heard of a doula was in our birth class at the hospital, when the instructor said she was a post partum doula. At the time it didn't really sink in, but now I realize that's why it seemed like she only covered what she absolutely had to when it came to epidurals and IV medications. She flatly listed the available options, covered the risks, and answered questions. Most of the time was spent practicing breathing, visualization, and teaching the partners how to help. I thought it was weird at first, like why isn't she telling us more about the epidural? Isn't that what happens when you show up to the hospital in labor? (hahahahaha) I will forever be grateful to Lisa, although she may never know it, because she was the first one to help me begin to realize there are other options.

So? For next time? (No - I'm not pregnant) I'm excited. I'm going to the birth center. I'm birth-planning, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and possibly even encapsulating my placenta.

Again, I'm not saying my ideal way is the only way, or that if someone chooses a voluntary (informed consent) c-section, that they're not doing what's best for them. I just think that there needs to be more dialogue, more communication, more information shared between patient and provider(s). Nothing is perfect (including this crazy mess of a post) but giving birth is too important to let go.

Postpartum Thoughts

First, a picture.

Hey guys. Thanks for stopping by. Check out my chins.

Right then. So here are some post-partum thoughts, things I needed to get out of my head, and random updates... all neatly organized into numbered lists. You're welcome. *wink*

What I learned from being pregnant:

1. Multi-tasking is practically a thing of the past. As with pregnancy brain, mommy brain is a real killer.
2. Make lists. And let the small stuff go. Or better yet, let someone else do it. Speaking of which, I'm still working on the 100 reasons I love my son's dad post. Sure to bore everyone to death except for me and him.
3. Everything you think you know is wrong. What I mean to say is, when you think to yourself: "I'll never co-sleep" or "Breastfeeding in public is weird" You Just Don't Know Until You're Actually A Parent. I think this is what all those (still supremely annoying) people mean when they said "just wait...

Things I wish I could go back in time & change during my maternity leave:

1. I wouldn't have spent so much time thinking about going back to work. Seriously. I have guilt over how much time & energy I wasted thinking about how short my leave was & how hard it was going to be to go back.
2. I would've worried less about "getting him on a schedule" - as it turns out, that's not our parenting style. We're breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping, it's my baby and I'll hold him if I want to type parents.
3. I should've worked on the baby book. Yes, I only had about 5 minutes a day I felt like I could just tune out, and usually spent that time zoned in front of the TV, but even a start on his book would feel like an accomplishment. And maybe I would've have felt less like I totally lost control.
4. I would not have left the house til I felt ready - doctor's appointment aside - no shopping at two weeks old, it's too stressful! He was so little! It's not that I totally freaked out or anything, but the whole time we were out it just felt WRONG. I couldn't WAIT to get home. Maybe I won't feel that way with the second kid (yes, it probably will happen)... maybe the scary "brand new" thing will wear off faster.
5. I really really wish I'd had a cosleeper like this one from Arm's Reach; basically it's a bassinet that attaches to the side of your bed... this would have made it so much easier to
6. Try out nursing in bed a little sooner... once he had the appropriate head control, of course. But even before that, having him within "arm's reach" probably would have made things feel less like a battle.

*Giving credit where credit is due - I'd like to give a big shout out to breastfeeding because a) I still have not (knock on wood) gotten a post partum period; and b) it requires an extra 500 calories (approximately) to produce breastmilk, which is directly responsible for my weighing less now than I did before becoming pregnant. Woot!

Stuff I loved & am glad I had around:

1. Cloth diapers for soaking up the barf - everyone says this but it is SO TRUE. All those cute little flannel blanket things are only good as blankets, they don't absorb for shit.
2. A diaper stacker - I heard these are considered a waste of $$, but ours came with the crib bedding set and I love it!
3. Colace - A must for post partum pooping. I took it toward the end of my pregnancy, and was glad to have it around after he was born because the thought of pooping made me cringe, and I didn't even have any tears! Just the idea made me go NO MORE PUSHING EVAR. And hey, speaking of bodily functions, take your first post-birth pee in the middle of your first post-birth shower! With all the gross leaking you're doing t's MUCH easier than the whole squirt bottle & blot dry (HA!) system.
4. Pampers Swaddlers New Baby diapers - they have the stripe on the front that turns from yellow to blue to let you know they're wet. Perfect for newbie parents who otherwise would just change the kid every ten minutes because "does that feel full to you?" "I don't know" "Well maybe that's why he's crying" "Hell, it's worth a shot!"
5. Gripe Water. He didn't like something I ate? He's having trouble working out that fart? He just plain needed something that tasted like fennel to distract him? I don't know what it is about this stuff but Oliver calmed down within minutes of getting a shot of the gripe water.

Stuff I bought because somebody said I was supposed to, but just turned out to be useless:

1. Itzbeen baby care timer - I must admit, it was good to have while in the hospital since the nurses are all the time asking how long ago did he eat? It can also let you know which breast you last nursed from, which is a good thing before your milk comes in and one isn't any softer than the other. But, you have to remember to flip the little marker, and it's basically nothing a rubber band on your wrist can't take care of. We've barely used it since we came home. I made me too obsessed with how many hours it's been since he did this or that, which like I said before, isn't really our parenting style anyway, and who cares if it's been 1/2 an hour or 2 hours since we last changed him? If it's dirty, you change it.
2. GIANT tub of vaseline - guess what? One tube of A&D has lasted way past the glob the stuff on his circ stage and having it around just recently caused me to MommyFAIL. I put it in his hair. It still hasn't come all the way out. But that's a story for another day.
3. GIANT bottle of alcohol - you guessed it - this didn't get used once. Cause apparently you're not supposed to mess with the cord stump. Like, at all.
4. Up & Up brand diapers from Target = FAIL. "Try the generic brand of diapers!" they said. "They're just as good as the overpriced name brands!" they said. I now say, "Bull." These dumb things have only a small strip on the front that the velcro tabs will stick to, so with a squirmy baby or a baby with a smaller waist these just don't work because you can't overlap the tabs. And even when they are stuck in the proper spot, it's not very strong velcro and can easily come open.
5. Walmart brand diapers suck too. The tabs weren't very stretchy and the diaper overall felt cheap and plasticy. Yes, thank you spell check, I know that's not a word. I don't remember any significant leaks or anything, but when he would wet them, they would become very stiff and it seemed like they "filled up" very quickly, almost like the diaper was going to bust open since it had no give.

Honorable mention: the Diaper Genie.

• Awesome because you can't smell anything coming out of there.
• Bogus because the refills are HELLA expensive.
• Awesome because Nick's friend from work bought it for us and he was so excited to get a gift from one of his dudes that he has faithfully emptied the thing.
• Kinda BS because the lid sometimes gets stuck and oh yeah it has a BIG SHARP METAL cutting thing inside and you have to remember to tie off the end when you empty it otherwise you're screwed.
• (Awesome because I haven't had to deal with this. See: delegation, first section.)

*For the record: Postpartum hair loss? I haz it. Apparently, it likes to start being noticable around 3 months post partum. Just in time for your kid to get really good at grabbing handfuls! Yippee!

Nursery Pictures!

It's done! Happy Birthday to me!

Random Stuff From The Interwebs

1. ...and baby makes four.

2. A comic having to do with breastfeeding AND ninjas? Perfect! Click.

3. This was really fun to play with: http://www.umm.edu/pregnancy/000088.htm It shows development of the baby and also where your organs get squished to as the baby grows. Watch the girl's boobs between weeks 8 and 14!

4. Check out this site to get your own version of Madame Zaritska's birth prediction. Here's mine:

"The day you deliver, outside will be bright. Your baby will arrive in the evening. After a labor lasting approximately 10 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 5 pounds, 11 ounces, and will be 17 inches long. This child will have medium hazel eyes and barely there red hair."

Um, OK!

5. Here's a "Chinese Gender Predictor" site, but FYI it was wrong for me.

6. Last but not least, a little tip I picked up about possibly making labor easier: drink tea! http://www.birthingnaturally.net/exercise/kegel/kegcup.html I may actually consider it, which is downright CRAZY if you know me and my lifelong aversion to tea. But, what the hell.

glucose test = PASS

First, the glucose test is designed to check for gestational diabetes. You drink about 12 ounces of icky glucola orange drink (think: melted fla.vor.ice popcicles), wait an hour, then they draw your blood. It was good for me to know that there isn't anything I could have done "better" or differently to avoid getting GD, it's just a measure of how the body processes sugars while pregnant. Some women's bodies apparently revolt against them, refusing to process sugar properly, which can be all kinds of bad for the mom and the baby.

They told me when I went in for the test that "no news is good news" and that if I didn't hear anything, they would let me know the results of the test at my next appointment. Yeah, I'm not that patient. I called the nurse today, and she said my test came back completely normal, and on top of that, I'm not anemic either!

This is awesome news for me, since I've been having so many problems with eating/barfing/pooping... I just don't think I could handle diet restrictions or iron supplements (I've heard they constipate you).

So, Cheers! I'm going to go get a brownie!

99 days left!

That is a VERY SHORT time considering that the countdown starts at 266!

Things I still have left to do:

1. Childbirth classes/breastfeeding class/infant care class.
2. Figure out some sort of clothes storage system. Do we refinish great grandma's dresser? Just use the cube thing from Target? Both? Neither and buy one?
3. Buy craploads more diapers. Also, my plan is to have a couple of those neat all in one velcro/snap fancy pants cloth diapers around just in case we run out in the middle of the night. I'm so stinkin' smart.
4. Clean everything. I know it's "nesting" and seriously, I don't care. He's going to be crawling around on THOSE FLOORS? GAH!
5. Name this kid.
6. Must Pass Glucose Test On Monday. (I am reminded of this by the 3 snack packs and small handful of Hershey's miniatures I ate today.)
7. Smack the next person who says, "Are you eating again?" The UPS man just did this, for reals.
8. Attempt to buy a dress for a late September wedding when I will be fully at the end of my 7th month that could possibly be used again for something some day.
9. Eat more fiber.
10. Figure out daycare.
11. Find a pediatrician.
12. Find a list of the million other things I'm sure I have to do but just don't know what they are yet.

Oh, crap...

Thanks to this video I am now very glad that my pot pie craving has subsided. (For those too busy/cool/whatever to click the link, a NY Times reporter tests the cooking instructions on Banquet pot pies and finds it very difficult to heat them to the proper internal temperature.)

I mean, I would know if I (or the baby!) had already been affected by the salmonella, right?

::runs off to webMD::

Frick.

What are symptoms of salmonella infection?
Salmonella infection (salmonellosis) can cause diarrhea (which may be bloody), fever, nausea, vomiting, and abdominal pain. Symptoms typically start 12-72 hours after infection.

All of those symptoms can also be caused by PREGNANCY.

9 weeks

Sorry I didn't do a quiz for week 9. I was busy feeling seasick.

Here's the highlight:

Milestone: Baby is offically a fetus! No more embryo up in this bitch!

(Get it?)

My beautiful blob

Here's sweet pea's first photo:


Click to enlarge!
Yeah, I know. We don't know which end is which either. But it's real and it's ours and we love you, blob.

Preg PIZZA

I made it through last week feeling just great, then starting last weekend, BAM! It's not the typical morning sickness... I haven't felt like going for it and just barfing, it's little things. Like, if I don't eat every two hours I start to feel bad. Like when I brush my teeth I get that uh-oh! feeling in my throat. Like, it's 11:00 am and I'm hungry, but NOTHING sounds good.

I tried to be prepared... peanut butter crackers, pretzels, baked chips and grapes are all on hand here at work. Nice, bland food with slight differences in texture just to have my bases covered, and the grapes thrown in just in case I want sweet. But, NO. I want pizza. Ooooh, PIZZA! Thank God I brought Stouffer's flatbread pizzas for lunch otherwise I'd be cranky.

Maybe I'll go make one now.