Thursday, March 17, 2011

spring 2011

I had to stop by here today to reflect on how far I've come in the last year.

I remember the begining of 2010 being very difficult. That whole winter was emotionally and physically taxing. Pumping at work, being so exhausted from long days, and just plain missing my little guy so much that I could hardly stand it. I think the dramatic drop from blissed-out new mom to over-tired working mom was too much for me. I felt... fragile.

It makes me tear up just thinking about how much I struggled. I wanted so badly to be the best mom that I focused solely on Oliver and shoved, hard, everything else into the background. It took a toll on my marriage, because I know I wasn't the best wife there for a while. There are a few times that Nick said "I just want my wife back..." and that statement never failed to make me feel bad, but also snapped me the hell out of whatever funk I was in and made me realize that in my haze of single-minded focus I was still missing out.

Not that there weren't happy times, because of course there were, and plenty of them, and I know I took advantage and played and took pictures and made memories but looking back, it was just... mostly gray.

Anyway, March 2010 was where I started to come out of it. I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Last spring, I learned a little better how to be present in my own life. I realized that the fun in weeknight bathtime was no less joyful than weekend afternoons. I'm not saying things are perfect now, but my equilibrium is evening out. Dare I say: I'm feeling balance. I am so darn happy. Seriously. And when I look at what we've been through, even though others might struggle with more or different challenges in parenting, I still feel triumphant. I deserve to be happy.

For once, I feel the need to mention my job. I'm enjoying it! It's at times exciting, fast paced and challenging... other times it's mundane tasks and meetings. It's always changing, and while the changes are always varying in my personal scope of ideal, it's never boring. My boss is a genuine and compassionate human being, and that alone is something I know I'm lucky to have, let alone an affordable insurance plan and a little vacation time.

This spring, there will be no stopping our little family. Nick and I are so looking forward to the next few months. We're in love with each other and our little man. It's going to be full of gardening, walks, playgrounds, and laughter. We've got a vacation planned - taking a trip to Florida (Ollie's first plane ride!) to visit the grandparents and the beach - and we're going to relax and enjoy each other.

And this little guy? What can I say? He's perfect, the light of my life, and the walking, talking definition of joy.

14 comments:

  1. beautiful, beautiful post! i love it! i can FEEL your happiness and i'm so stinkin' happy for you!

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  2. I love those moments where you feel you are coming out of the darkness, ready to take on the world. Good for you! Love the pictures and best wishes to you. ;)

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  3. Stop making me tear up at work, will ya? Love you so much, my life!

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  4. Dude. This makes me so very very very happy. I remember how frustrated you were with work and trying to find an out. This rocks. I'm so glad for all 3 of you guys! YAY!!!!

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  5. Haha I love the blog title!

    I just found your blog through one of the Friday Blog Hops!! Have a great weekend.

    Amanda @ www.nutritionistreviews.com

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  6. Thank you for this post. I'm going back to work on Monday and this post really spoke to me.

    I'm also a new follower from Boost My Blog Friday! I would love if you'd stop by my blog at http://www.formulamom.com! Have a great day!

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  7. How Beautiful! Thanks for sharing that post with us! I’m a new follower Happy Friday!! I would love for you to stop and take a look at my blog as well! Thanks!
    http://heavenlysavings.blogspot.com

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  8. so nice!

    I am following you (suelee1998) from the blog hop, you have a great site. Would you please follow me back? http://susansdisneyfamily.blogspot.com/
    thank you :)

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  9. I LOVED this post, Sara! So refreshing - makes me wanna be a better person, seeking joy in all the little things (weeknight bathtime!). :) Thank you for your beautiful words.

    And Florida? JEALOUS!!!

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  10. Hi this is Nicole from Colie’s Kitchen I just discovered your blog and wanted to drop by and say hi. I am now a new follower. I would love to have you stop by Colie’s Kitchen if you get a chance. www.colieskitchen.com

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  11. I am following you on google connect from "Boost My Blog Friday"! Cute blog;-)

    http://www.mommyblessingsinsmallbundles.com/

    http://meinanutshell1979.blogspot.com/

    http://mommyblessingsinpictures.blogspot.com/

    Jeanette Huston

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  12. New follower from Friday Blog Hop. Great site!
    feel free to stop by and visit us too!

    Mommy J
    mommiesbeingmommies.blogspot.com

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  13. Oh how I feel you on this one, Sara. Those first few months kind of blend together in a blur for me--part happiness, part fear, part utter exhaustion. We've made it through that first year as new moms though, and this spring we old pros are going to have so much fun! Have fun in Florida! Pics, pics, pics please!

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  14. That greyness sucks. I'm so very,very glad that the sun is shining on you and your family again! Spring sounds amazing for you guys -- and Florida? Yay!!

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