Snug as a Bug in a Rug

Circa: 2 months

Happy Easter!

Here are some pictures from our Easter weekend, in which Nick had Good Friday off, and spent the whole morning with his favorite playmate.

He looks like such a little man in his button down shirt, especially in comparison to the awkward-but-adorable: GIANT BUNNY HEAD! teeny tiny baby!

And now I realize it will be even more ridiculous when I FINALLY get around to posting the pictures from Christmas. Who needs chronological order? I used to love it but my mommy-brain has killed it dead.

Postpartum Thoughts

First, a picture.

Hey guys. Thanks for stopping by. Check out my chins.

Right then. So here are some post-partum thoughts, things I needed to get out of my head, and random updates... all neatly organized into numbered lists. You're welcome. *wink*

What I learned from being pregnant:

1. Multi-tasking is practically a thing of the past. As with pregnancy brain, mommy brain is a real killer.
2. Make lists. And let the small stuff go. Or better yet, let someone else do it. Speaking of which, I'm still working on the 100 reasons I love my son's dad post. Sure to bore everyone to death except for me and him.
3. Everything you think you know is wrong. What I mean to say is, when you think to yourself: "I'll never co-sleep" or "Breastfeeding in public is weird" You Just Don't Know Until You're Actually A Parent. I think this is what all those (still supremely annoying) people mean when they said "just wait...

Things I wish I could go back in time & change during my maternity leave:

1. I wouldn't have spent so much time thinking about going back to work. Seriously. I have guilt over how much time & energy I wasted thinking about how short my leave was & how hard it was going to be to go back.
2. I would've worried less about "getting him on a schedule" - as it turns out, that's not our parenting style. We're breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping, it's my baby and I'll hold him if I want to type parents.
3. I should've worked on the baby book. Yes, I only had about 5 minutes a day I felt like I could just tune out, and usually spent that time zoned in front of the TV, but even a start on his book would feel like an accomplishment. And maybe I would've have felt less like I totally lost control.
4. I would not have left the house til I felt ready - doctor's appointment aside - no shopping at two weeks old, it's too stressful! He was so little! It's not that I totally freaked out or anything, but the whole time we were out it just felt WRONG. I couldn't WAIT to get home. Maybe I won't feel that way with the second kid (yes, it probably will happen)... maybe the scary "brand new" thing will wear off faster.
5. I really really wish I'd had a cosleeper like this one from Arm's Reach; basically it's a bassinet that attaches to the side of your bed... this would have made it so much easier to
6. Try out nursing in bed a little sooner... once he had the appropriate head control, of course. But even before that, having him within "arm's reach" probably would have made things feel less like a battle.

*Giving credit where credit is due - I'd like to give a big shout out to breastfeeding because a) I still have not (knock on wood) gotten a post partum period; and b) it requires an extra 500 calories (approximately) to produce breastmilk, which is directly responsible for my weighing less now than I did before becoming pregnant. Woot!

Stuff I loved & am glad I had around:

1. Cloth diapers for soaking up the barf - everyone says this but it is SO TRUE. All those cute little flannel blanket things are only good as blankets, they don't absorb for shit.
2. A diaper stacker - I heard these are considered a waste of $$, but ours came with the crib bedding set and I love it!
3. Colace - A must for post partum pooping. I took it toward the end of my pregnancy, and was glad to have it around after he was born because the thought of pooping made me cringe, and I didn't even have any tears! Just the idea made me go NO MORE PUSHING EVAR. And hey, speaking of bodily functions, take your first post-birth pee in the middle of your first post-birth shower! With all the gross leaking you're doing t's MUCH easier than the whole squirt bottle & blot dry (HA!) system.
4. Pampers Swaddlers New Baby diapers - they have the stripe on the front that turns from yellow to blue to let you know they're wet. Perfect for newbie parents who otherwise would just change the kid every ten minutes because "does that feel full to you?" "I don't know" "Well maybe that's why he's crying" "Hell, it's worth a shot!"
5. Gripe Water. He didn't like something I ate? He's having trouble working out that fart? He just plain needed something that tasted like fennel to distract him? I don't know what it is about this stuff but Oliver calmed down within minutes of getting a shot of the gripe water.

Stuff I bought because somebody said I was supposed to, but just turned out to be useless:

1. Itzbeen baby care timer - I must admit, it was good to have while in the hospital since the nurses are all the time asking how long ago did he eat? It can also let you know which breast you last nursed from, which is a good thing before your milk comes in and one isn't any softer than the other. But, you have to remember to flip the little marker, and it's basically nothing a rubber band on your wrist can't take care of. We've barely used it since we came home. I made me too obsessed with how many hours it's been since he did this or that, which like I said before, isn't really our parenting style anyway, and who cares if it's been 1/2 an hour or 2 hours since we last changed him? If it's dirty, you change it.
2. GIANT tub of vaseline - guess what? One tube of A&D has lasted way past the glob the stuff on his circ stage and having it around just recently caused me to MommyFAIL. I put it in his hair. It still hasn't come all the way out. But that's a story for another day.
3. GIANT bottle of alcohol - you guessed it - this didn't get used once. Cause apparently you're not supposed to mess with the cord stump. Like, at all.
4. Up & Up brand diapers from Target = FAIL. "Try the generic brand of diapers!" they said. "They're just as good as the overpriced name brands!" they said. I now say, "Bull." These dumb things have only a small strip on the front that the velcro tabs will stick to, so with a squirmy baby or a baby with a smaller waist these just don't work because you can't overlap the tabs. And even when they are stuck in the proper spot, it's not very strong velcro and can easily come open.
5. Walmart brand diapers suck too. The tabs weren't very stretchy and the diaper overall felt cheap and plasticy. Yes, thank you spell check, I know that's not a word. I don't remember any significant leaks or anything, but when he would wet them, they would become very stiff and it seemed like they "filled up" very quickly, almost like the diaper was going to bust open since it had no give.

Honorable mention: the Diaper Genie.

• Awesome because you can't smell anything coming out of there.
• Bogus because the refills are HELLA expensive.
• Awesome because Nick's friend from work bought it for us and he was so excited to get a gift from one of his dudes that he has faithfully emptied the thing.
• Kinda BS because the lid sometimes gets stuck and oh yeah it has a BIG SHARP METAL cutting thing inside and you have to remember to tie off the end when you empty it otherwise you're screwed.
• (Awesome because I haven't had to deal with this. See: delegation, first section.)

*For the record: Postpartum hair loss? I haz it. Apparently, it likes to start being noticable around 3 months post partum. Just in time for your kid to get really good at grabbing handfuls! Yippee!

Smooooooosh...

Best. Face. Ever.

YAY! TOYS!

So, there's this thing out there in the blogging world (a.k.a. blogosphere) (for reals, not kidding) called Wordless Wednesday. I'm going to start participating as a way of keeping my spirits high and also a way to Hulk-smash through this backlog of picutre posts I have planned. They'll be tagged WW, even though I probably won't stay completely wordless. It's my blog and I'll write if I want to.

Enjoying!

The Great Cereal Debate

My baby boy is growing up. His doctor says he's ready for solid foods, starting with rice cereal... we can introduce one new food at a time, try it out for five days, and if there are no adverse reactions, we can chalk that one up as "good", then give him another new food. Food. For my baby.

I didn't know how hard this was going to be for me.

It's for the best, really, because I haven't been able to keep up with him as far as pumping at work what he'll need for the next day. I am tired of stressing myself out about it, but at the same time, it's the beginning of a process that will eventually wean him. I'm not saying that solid foods are going to kill our nursing relationship, but eventually he'll want more food and less milk. In my hormone-riddled mind, this means he'll want more independence and less mommy. The time is just flying by, getting away from me even, and I'm upset about it.

It's frustrating because he'll eat the cereal when he's at home (at least at first) when I'm right there and able to feed him.  It's when we're apart that I feel like I'm having the trouble... *sigh*... it's all so unfair.

So then there comes the logistics. We feed him cereal in the evening, which we'll have to use some breast milk to thin out. After that I'll nurse him to make sure he's full. Then after that I'll have to pump at home to make sure my supply doesn't compeletely tank. Cause, ya know, supply and demand. The upside of this is that the extra pumping session should make up for what I didn't produce during the work day. The downside is that once he gets used to and proficient at eating solids I'll get one less nursing session with my baby. Cue the beginning of the end waterworks.

It feels like he's growing up so fast that I must have missed something. I know it's silly, I haven't missed anything, I see my little guy every day and really try to cherish every moment... but still. 4 and 1/2 short months ago he was a teeny tiny newborn and now he's sitting up and laughing and ready to eat with a spoon.

Not to be all doom and gloom and WAH WAH mah wittle BAYBEE... it is exciting too. I mean, yay! Food! Nick is so excited to be reaching this milestone and taking part in the cuteness that is sure to be coming our way (stay tuned for the video) and I will get to feed him this way too, but it's a big change for me. And I'm not so good with change. It was SO HARD for me to come back to work and start pumping every day (which I will still have to do, of course) and I feel like I just got a handle on that routine (minus the supply issues) and now out of nowhere he's growing up, turning into a little boy and he's ready for something more and different.

To be completely honest, part of me feels like I'm being left behind. I flash forward to first steps, going off to school, girlfriends, driving, and I'll-listen-to-rap-music-if-I-want-to-MOM! It makes me sad.

Nick tells me not to worry. He says that all that stuff is forever away. He says right now we nurture him and teach him and watch him grow into the cutest little man the world has ever known. Of course I see his logic, but I still feel so conflicted... excited for the future, yet already nostalgic. I guess that's parenthood?

I Feel Good

It's not a real big secret that I've been kinda down in the dumps lately. Chalk it up to baby blues, seasonal affective disorder, or just a personal laziness-induced funk... or all of the above. I had a little conversation with Nick about it over lunch, and I feel better... energized... hopeful. Being a mom is a lot of work. It may the best work I've ever done, but that doesn't mean it's not exhausting. I thank God for my husband... he's my inspiration, my motivation, and not to mention without him I wouldn't have my beautiful baby boy.

So aside from spending part of this morning, when I should have been working, getting lists together for spring cleaning and making a short list of Things That Must Be Done before I treat myself to a facial (I bought a coupon for it with my Christmas money) I started thinking about how even though I can't stop thinking about wanting to stay home with Ollie, it probably won't be a reality for me anytime soon. So, I will make the best of it. I started thinking about how nice it is that at least I like the people at the daycare center where he spends "school day". Some people aren't even that lucky... some have to drop their child off at a questionable place, or with questionable people... and I know I'm a worrier by nature, but that would be downright intolerable for me.

I'll get to the point... the part where I feel good. I was scrolling through my Google Reader, reading up on what alexa did this weekend, and at the bottom of her posts there's a reminder: "donate $16 to Providence House and help tuck a baby in tonight". Some parents are having so much trouble making ends meet and have no one else to turn to, that they need a safe warm place to leave their kids. Some parents, in an act more heartbreaking than I can imagine, and knowing that it's in the child's best interest, have to leave their baby in the hands of someone else for longer than a few hours a day while at work. What I like best about Providence House is that their goal is "reunification". This isn't foster care, it's a safe, temporary home for kids whose parents are struggling, but trying to get back on their feet to keep their family together.

$16. I can do that. So I did. Click through to either alexa's blog Cleveland's a Plum or the Providence House website to donate.

Reality check.

I am one lucky girl. I have a job, a beautiful family, great friends... it really doesn't get much better than this.